The 7 degrees of emotional maturity
When should degrees of emotional maturity be explored? When your interlocutor’s request is not being clearly formulated, because it is “masked” by the verbal, para-verbal or non-verbal expression of an emotion, says Marshall Rosenberg, American psychologist (1934-2015), creator of the process of communication called “Non-Violent Communication” (NVC).
The 7 degrees of emotional maturity, derived from emotional intelligence, can help you clarify your interlocutor’s request. Strong emotional maturity requires on your part the ability to:
- Understanding emotion and giving it meaning
- Express your emotions and needs accurately
- Make a clear request to the person
Adapt your mode of intervention according to the degree of emotional maturity
Identify the degree of emotional maturity expressed and intervene to help your interlocutor clarify the request.
Grade 1: Denial of emotion and triggering element
Manifestations: Your interlocutor is unaware of the characteristics of the situation and the emotion it arouses in him.
Intervention method: Keep the situation described and ask about the emotion it may be causing.
Grade 2: Retention of emotional expression
Manifestations: Your interlocutor is aware of the triggering element and the emotion it causes in him, but has difficulty identifying this emotion.
Intervention method: Reformulate what you perceive from the emotion of your interlocutor, propose a hypothesis about the emotion and test your hypothesis: “I have the impression that you are angry…”
Grade 3: Expression of a surrogate emotion
Manifestations: Your interlocutor is aware of the triggering element and is in contact with a feeling of substitution that prevents him from being in touch with his need and, therefore, from making a request.
Intervention Mode: Help him make the connection between the triggering element and the real emotion.
Grade 4: Inappropriate expression of true emotion
Manifestations: Your interlocutor is aware of the trigger and the emotion it expresses in a way that is disproportionate to the situation.
Intervention method: Listen and ask about the emotion and needs verified in the current situation.
Grade 5: Expression of emotion without formulation of need
Manifestations: Your interlocutor expresses his emotion, but not the corresponding need.
Intervention method: Ask your interlocutor about your needs.
Grade 6: Expression of emotion and need
Manifestations: Your interlocutor expresses his emotion and need, but without making a clear request.
Intervention method: Ask him about his request.
Grade 7: Expression of emotion, need and request formulation
Manifestations: Your interlocutor takes care of himself and asserts himself in the expression of his emotion, need and request.
Method of intervention: Respond to your request.
The posture to adopt
To be effective, you must:
– Practice empathic listening to detect feelings that are not clearly expressed.
– Showing kindness and empathy towards the feelings of the interlocutor is essential.
– Finally, it is in your interest to proceed with reformulation and hypotheses. Only the person himself knows what is happening to them.