I have been reading and listening to different podcasts and books about independence, and it has changed the way I treat myself and handle situations.
The first important thing I will explain is what independence is and what it isn’t. And I will go into how finding your independence can be one of the greatest acts of self-love you will do to yourself !!!
There are things and questions that you can challenge yourself every day. It will help you become less emotional, physical, and financially dependent. When you start to implement a few things in your daily life, you will already feel a change in your confidence and worthiness, how you treat yourself and how to change the wrong expectations you build upon others.
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Starting with definitions:
Independence is NOT having your walls up. You think you are not capable of letting people get inside of your life.
Independence is NOT about pushing people away. Being single or alone hardly equals being independent.
Independence is NOT in competition with vulnerability. You can be a very independent person and be very vulnerable, and be open and accepting of help when you need it.
Independence IS how you manage yourself and the direction of your life. When you have complete autonomy to do and be whoever you want to do or be. In or out of a relationship.
The moment you feel you CAN’T leave is when you are NO LONGER independent.
When you feel you need someone to fix your problems, make you feel safe, and will take care o you, you are probably in a co-dependent relationship. It is when you feel you could not do those things alone and you depended on your partner, family, or friend. The difference here is when YOU don’t want to leave them because you CHOOSE to have them in your life.
Some examples are when you depend on someone financially, or you depend on that person emotionally because you cut off the connections with other people, or if you are scared to do things alone because you rely on someone to do everything with you or for you. In situations like this, you are most likely going to stay in this relationship because you feel you cannot leave, not because you don’t want to leave. This situation can make people be stuck in toxic relationships because they don’t know where is the exit door. That is the main difference between independence and co-dependence relationships.
When you are independent you can be happy to accept help from your partner and help them, but it doesn’t take away who you are and your freedom. You could survive without that help. It is clear that together you make a better team, and enrich each other’s life too. You choose to accept it. You accept it as an act of love, care, and gift, and not because you expect and obligate the other to do. It should be the other way around too. You should not feel obligated to help someone and feel bad about others’ expectations.
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Independence is knowing that you are living your life the way you want to live. Is the ability to say no and follow through with that decision. It is confidence in doing things alone and happy being by yourself in your own company. Not relying on someone to have the life you want to have.
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Why being independent is the greatest act of self-love?
Because you are choosing and in control of what direction your life is going. So many people, me included, rely on other people to do things that you could do alone.
It is the choice of “I rather do this with you” over doing it alone. But you have the CHOICE. When you do it, you let the person have the freedom to do what they want to do as well. If you want to go to the movies and your friend doesn’t want to watch that movie, you can still go by yourself and not force or expect your friend goes to a movie that he or she doesn’t want to go to. You will not need to worry if they are or aren’t having a good time.
When you start to understand your freedom, you start to respect yourself, your decisions, and your independence. You are happy to do things even if nobody wants to do them with you. You don’t limit your experiences.
You are enough, and enough fun to be your own company and go somewhere alone.
Challenge yourself every day. Practice independence and identify when you are not being independent.
- Do things by yourself. Be your favorite company. Start small and go wild. Start by getting some ice cream and when you are ready, book a trip.
- Ask it yourself OFTEN: Am I here because I chose to be or because I feel I can’t leave? (You will avoid the toxic treats)
- Respect others’ independence. People can be also independent. They love you but they also need that alone time.
Once you understand the power of having control of your own decisions and the direction of your life, you will learn more about yourself. You will listen to your true desires and understand things that you like or you don’t like. You will be able to choose who or what you want to stay in your life and what you don’t. You develop self-awareness and self-love, and it is crucial to independence.